Cow-Bothering Reaches New Level in Bristol

Cows are ecstatic at
the new discovery

We all know that our interest in veterinary breakthroughs is intense. The BBC, bless their little information-gathering hearts, are intent on keeping us au fait with these exciting moments. And since I live with an animal-loving cybrarian with nothing better to do right now, I get all the goodies first.

Thus we are over the moon at the discovery that the University of Bristol--those lovely people who gave us that thrilling reality show with all the doggies and moggies a few years back, and, boy, did we learn from it--have produced a rectal simulator.

It simulates what Elektra called the 'rear end' of a cow. Just so you know.

You're no doubt familiar with that iconic moment: the one in which the large-animal veterinarian is up to his armpit in the fundament of a patient bovine, feeling around in there for a pregnancy or other medical situation. Good news, Daisy: in future, that vet, thanks to his practice with the surrogate, will spend only five minutes noodling around in there. And he'll know his potatoes--and whatever else he's fingering.

Yay, technicians. You've made the world better. We knew you could. Cows everywhere will be grateful. The Breed'n Betsy model will revolutionise veterinary science as we know and love it from all those episodes of All Creatures Great and Small. Cows will stand up and cheer.

Daisy to the California Happy Cow: 'I like me new vet. He's got such nice hands.'

California Happy Cow: 'That's nice, dear. We've got sunshine and elocution lessons.'

For a gander at the new simulator in action, click here.

For a glimpse of a California Happy Cow, click here (and wait for the sheep to stop doing Braveheart meets Babe).

In related news:

• More British cat owners have university degrees than dog owners do. (Snobs.) 
• British scientists have been running tests to prove that depressed dogs are 'pessimistic'. They see the food dish as 'half empty'. (These people need to get a life.) 
• Oh, and dogs can 'catch' yawns from humans. (Cut that out. Now.)

Now, aren't you glad you know all that?